What Am I Going To Do?!

I know that life somehow always works out, but I am getting to the point where I don’t know how I am going to make it through this point in time. I’ve tried to make decisions to the best of my ability, but every time I do something goes wrong. I don’t mean a little wrong, but seriously wrong.

Early last year (2009) I graduated college. Three months prior to that I lost the part-time job I had all through college. I received unemployment, but very little. Luckily I had one last disbursement of financial aid to cover us until I finished school. Right about the same time Rich was laid off from his full-time job and started receiving unemployment that totaled half of his normal income. Our total income was cut in half, not including the loss of my financial aid, and we were in a dire straight position. I did what I had to do. I found a cheaper place to live that we could afford on our limited income and moved. And surprisingly, we loved it there! Right about the same time I found a job and thank my lucky stars we were going to be okay. FFhheeww, we somehow made it through!

The early part of this year (2010) I was offered a great position, nearly double my current salary, in Reno, NV. Rich had been struggling to find work ever since he was laid off, so I made the decision to take the job and make the move to Reno. It was great at first, we had more money and Reno is a very nice and affordable place to live. But as I am sure most of you who are my facebook friends know, the job fell apart in six months and I found myself on unemployment again. Luckily this time it was a livable amount, half of what I was making, but still manageable. Rich and I talked about our options, and he has always wanted to move to Southern CA for school. I figured what the heck he moved to Reno for me, I can do this for him. A friend of his helped him line-up a job, and I had unemployment, so we figured hey let’s go for it! Well, I’m starting to really regret the decision.

Yes, Rich has a job, but the lovely state of Nevada is not offering unemployment extensions as of this month. Guess what? My unemployment runs out this week! Stress doesn’t even begin to explain the amount of worry I have right now. We had to spend our every last dollar to cover our rent for November, and give our months notice to our landlords. We have no choice, we can’t afford to stay here anymore…sound familiar? The only difference this time is there is no such thing as cheap rent in Southern CA, especially not when you have pets, and I am not about to surrender my animals - no way!

So here is the only solution we can think of, move to Ventura County where rent is $1000 a month, which eats up most of Rich’s income for the month, and he enrolls in school to receive financial aid to make-up the difference. I continue to look for a job and hope something comes through. That is the best we’ve got.

Words also can’t describe how much I am dreading another move! We moved in Sacramento to a cheaper place, then we moved to Reno nine months later, then we moved here six months later, and it has only been four months and we have to move again! Uuuuggghhhhh I just want to scream with frustration. I want to throw a fit and yell no I don’t want to go, I don’t want to do it, I quit! The mental stress and worry of constantly moving is seriously going to kill me. That compounded with our money worries is going to give me a mental breakdown. I can’t keep doing this! I just want to move somewhere and live there and be happy. And to be honest, I just want to go home and feel safe for a little while, job hunt, and not worry about finding a place to live until I find a job.

Then there are all the little annoying things. Rich and I constantly fighting because he wants to stay here, and I want to go home. The fact that money is so tight I can’t even afford the application fee to graduate school which would help save me from this mess for the next two years. And the part that makes me want to cry, looks like we won’t be able to afford Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Yup, what the heck do I do? There is no end in sight. Yes, I should have never moved to Reno, and I could strangle my employer for having me quit my steady job and move to another state…for six months of work!!! I know I can’t blame anyone but myself for my decisions, but honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve started to just let go. We will play it by ear until the end of this month. If we get the apartment in Ventura great, but I have a feeling our income won’t be enough, and if that is the case well I guess I will give my Grandma a call to say we’re coming home. I don’t know, I just don’t know…and honestly, I don’t care. I’m going to finish my application to graduate school in Sacramento and in Northridge, and when it comes time to start school I will decide then…that’s if we can make it that long.

And that is my life :)

Bored on a Saturday Night = Thinking about My Life

I just got off the phone with my Grandma, and it was the nicest conversation we have had since my move to Burbank. I mentioned before that I felt she was mad at me for staying at her place with our pets while she was out of town, and I would be lying if I said that didn’t bug me a little considering we are family and I was in a tough spot, but my Grandma has different ways of thinking about things like her house, and I should have made sure it was okay with her too and not just my Mom. Either way it feels nice to be back in her good graces, and every time we talk I am reminded of how lucky I am to have her in my life. Also, talking to my Grandma always makes me think about my life, and if I am making her proud. I know she loves me and will always be proud of me, but I feel a special obligation to make her proud because she has done so much for me in my life, and I want her to be able to brag about me, because honestly isn’t that what being a grandparent is all about?

I can sense she is worried about my most recent life choices. The move to Reno was a good idea because I had a great job lined-up, and we upgraded our life in so many ways! The house we moved in to, our income, and the cost of living. Plus, we weren’t too far from home which meant we could venture out and be independent, but still visit home whenever we wanted, and visa versa. Now we are in expensive Southern California, I’m not working, Rich has a job but it is an hour away which means tons of wear and tear on my car that took me forever to finally pay off. Also, I had to ask her to borrow a little money to pay student loans, and I already owe her money to begin with. All and all it seems as if we are failing out here, and for what? I moved out here for Rich, but I imagine in her mind she is thinking Kelly worked so hard and put herself through school and for what, to follow a boy to expensive Burbank. Granted Rich and I have been together for almost four years, but we aren’t married, nor does it look like that will be happening anytime soon, and I’m sure in her mind that means I should not be making life decisions that put his needs before my own.

There is a very real chance she is not thinking any of this, I guess I just think in terms of how I would feel if it were my child or grandchild, and I put words in her mouth. And I have to say I agree with my Grandma’s voice in my head. I feel like I am struggling for a dream that isn’t even my own. In fact, life would be much more prosperous for me in Northern California considering I am pursuing a career in Social Work and Sacramento is the Capitol of California = more government jobs then I could ever want! But then again I want to be with my Richie, and I want him to find success and be happy so we can be happy together. I guess I just don’t know when to draw the line, and when I should say sorry hun you’ve had enough time and I can’t keep suffering like this, I am moving home for me. Then I would blame my selfish actions if he weren’t able to find success in his dreams in Sacramento.

Ugh, see I just don’t know how long I should wait? We haven’t been here long, and I know I owe it a bit more time, but it all boils down the cost of living down here. I feel like we will never be able to afford to have anything here, not until one of us gets our career up and running which is about three years out for me and who knows how long for him. We could have so much more somewhere else, but Rich can’t have his dream. Or maybe he can, but he is so in love with Southern California it is like he can’t think straight. He says the same thing about Sacramento and me. I do love Sacramento and having my friends and family close by, and yes I would chose to move back there because it is home, but I would also stay here if we could have most of the same things in Burbank that we can have in Northern California, or even Reno, NV for that matter. I just want to live and be comfortable with our pets and be able to go out to dinner every once in a while, maybe go have a drink somewhere, or be able to shop for myself a few times a year. I feel like I have given up everything this last year to make ends meat, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. It is starting to make me panic because when you have things to give up then you have a little leeway, but when you’ve given up everything you don’t have anymore room to budge, so if one thing goes wrong the whole thing falls apart and comes crashing to the ground! I think we are teetering on that point, and honestly I’ve just sort of resigned myself to letting the pieces fall where they fall. I’ve given up, and that makes me feel very sad and ashamed of myself, but that’s the reality.

One of the founding fathers off Sociology, C. Wright Mills coined the term “Sociological Imagination” which is the ability to recognize the relationship between large-scale social forces and the actions of individuals. He said that using the sociological imagination allows you to think yourself away from the familiar routines of daily life. And more importantly when feeling overwhelmed by social forces it allows you to lift a large part of the guilt and shame of failure off your shoulders, by recognizing that you do not have total controls of all things that happen in your life. When I begin to feel like a total failure (which I do a lot lately) I channel C. Wright Mills and think about how different my life would be if I had gradated college ten years ago. The economy was doing great, and California was handing out state jobs left and right. I wouldn’t have felt like a failure then, so why do I feel like a failure now because I can’t get a single reply from one of my many job applications? That is not entirely my fault California is failing too. You can’t internalize all the blame, you just have to try harder in these times and hope that you catch a break. And not everyone does, we see that on the news every night lately. You can’t internalize it all, all you can do is your best, and I am trying.

With this frame of mind I can’t help but think the logical thing to do is live within our means, and not go broke chasing a dream that is years out. I hate to think about giving up on dreams, but hard times call for making tough decisions, and it just feels like now is the time to do just that.

Time to Set a Goal!

Have you ever felt lost in life?  Like you’re aimlessly wandering around from day to day without any sense of direction or purpose?  Well that is how I feel right now.  It’s no surprise considering I always feel this way when I’m not working or going to school.  Work and/or school keep me grounded, and more importantly provide me with a schedule.  I don’t know why, but I need to have a schedule, otherwise I can’t seem to get out of bed in the morning.  It is so silly!  Sometimes I hate that schedule, but I know I need it.  I need a reason to get out of bed, to get in the shower and get ready, and somewhere I have to be each day otherwise I turn into Zombie Kelly.  I know what you’re thinking poor Kelly with all her free time she needs to have more self-discipline.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  I put myself through college and I have been working non-stop since I graduated High School so I know a thing or two about self-discipline.  But right now I need an extra push, that extra sense of obligation, a deadline of sorts.  When I have that I can accomplish great things, but without it I am Zombie Kelly.

I know what I need to get out of this funk; I need to set some goals.  That is precisely how I got out of the forever a community college student conundrum I was in for eight years.  One day I realized if I didn’t hurry up and make college a priority I would never graduate, and that was not an option.  I sat down and mapped out a plan to complete my lower division courses in one year, and made an appointment with a college counselor to get started on my transfer agreement with U.C. Davis.  I worked full-time during the day, went to night school two nights a week until 10 p.m., and I had an all day Saturday class on the weekends.  I was a full-time employee and a full-time student for a solid year.  My only day off was Sunday, and of course that was the day I usually worked on my homework.  I was exhausted, but I was determined.  And it didn’t get any easier once I transferred to UCD.  Financial Aid allowed me to drop down to part-time work, but a full-time load of classes at UCD is serious business and I juggled work and school for a solid two years before finally graduating. 

I was able to accomplish everything above, yet now I can’t get out of bed in the morning?  Where did my motivation go?  I know a lot of it has to do with financial worries.  I feel like I have been struggling for the last three years, and that kind of worry and stress is exhausting, and will make anyone want to bury their head in the sand…or sleep all day, whichever.  But I know better.  I know denial never helped anyone.  And I know the only way to solve my problems is to get off my lazy butt and do something!  I am mad at myself for becoming so complacent and apathetic.  I need to remember my college days, and how much I would have given to have this much free time back then.  And I know when I start working again and/or Graduate School I will remember this time and kick myself for not accomplishing more.  So wake-up Zombie Kelly, it is time to set a goal.  

I have been talking about becoming a Social Worker for years.  I decided while at UCD that I wanted to pursue a graduate degree, and after talking to a few wonderful Professors and Counselors about my idea of a dream job, we all determined in order for me to be happy I have to work face-to-face with the public.  Any other degree would guarantee me a good job, but social work would guarantee me a job helping people at the grassroots level.

Graduate applications are due in March, perfect timing for my thirtieth birthday!  So, my goal is to complete and submit my application to California State Los Angeles, and California State Sacramento (just in case!) before my thirtieth birthday March 24, 2011.  And since my application will be good and ready, I may even send it to a few more exciting schools, we will see and you will have to check in on my blog every once in a while to find out!

Just a Little Ranting...

Well I’m supposed to be sewing knifes into my dress for my knife throwing dead target girl costume, complete with matching knife throwing boyfriend, or cleaning my messy house, or anything productive – but instead I am writing a blog.  I have a headache from too much wine last night, and while I am not hung over, I am feeling extra lazy today. This is not new, as I have been feeling lazy for the last two months. Hence drinking too much wine.

I want to rant. I miss home. I don’t really like our place here in Burbank, CA. I feel bad for our pets because it is cramped in here with two cats and two dogs. I want a bigger place so my cats can hideaway when they feel like it, and a decent size yard for my dogs to play. I know I sound petty, but with the amount of money we spend to live here we could have all the above in Sacramento, and we did have it in Reno. I guess it all boils down to me not wanting to live here. It is way too expensive, and it doesn’t offer anything to me to warrant the expense. Rich loves it here, but I would be happier in a house in Sacramento, or heck back in our house in Reno for that matter. Some people are willing to give up certain amenities or luxuries to live in an exciting city, but I guess I’m just too old for that now.

I took so much pride in our house in Reno. I have always taken pride in my house, keeping it cute and clean all the time. But now I’m just blah… What does it matter? It’s not like we are going to have any company, all my friends and family live six hours away. Plus, the place is so small my furniture doesn’t fit, so it won’t look nice anyway. This is the first time ever I have let my house go. I just don’t care.

I find myself spending a lot of time daydreaming about moving back to 4^th Avenue in Curtis Park. I love Curtis Park! I want to buy a house there and never leave. When I think of home, I think of 4^th Avenue. I think of the tree lined streets, quirky houses, and all the character in the neighborhood. I also love how close it is to everything in Sacramento! You’re right down the street from downtown, and have access to all the freeways so you can go anywhere in no time, unlike some areas that confine you to one highway.

I’m working on my application to Graduate School, or at least I am getting up every day and telling myself to work on it, even if I procrastinate like normal.  I plan to apply to Cal State LA and a few other state schools down here, but I’m also sending an application to Sacramento State.  Who knows maybe I won’t get into any schools down here, and if I get into Sac State then sorry hun this is my career, I’m moving back to Sacramento.

I feel like I should fill everyone in on why I moved to Southern California, and why I feel inclined to stay even though I’m not happy.  I did it for Rich.  He moved to Reno with me for my job, and when that fell apart I thought I would return the favor and move here with him for his school.  He wants to work in visual effects, and Los Angeles is of course the entertainment hub, all the work he wants to do is down here.  I am a very driven person and I refuse to give-up on grad school and my goal of becoming a social worker, so I would never expect him to give up on his dreams either, hence my willingness to help him move mountains to follow his dream, and to live somewhere I can’t stand.  Well, it’s not all bad, but crowded and expensive and so on.

I guess I’m writing this blog to get some stuff off my chest, even if nothing changes at least I blew off some steam.  The holidays are also around the corner and we can’t go home this year…that makes me very sad. For one Rich has to work, two we are sharing my car so it’s not like I can take off without him, and three we just can’t afford it after the expensive move.  So yes, I am feeling extra home sick for this reason, and feeling a little sorry for myself. But I will be ok, I figure since I can’t go home I might as well do some good and volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank on Thanksgiving and Christmas. At least this way I will still be able to surround myself with people for the holidays, and feel good about what I am doing vs. moping around at home continuing to feel sorry for myself.

Well that’s all the rant I have in me today.  Think I will go on craigslist now and search for houses in Curtis Park, like I do everyday and daydream.

Thanks for reading,

Kelly

The Move From Reno to So Cal and Everything In Between

Lets see, where do I start?  Today is October 12th.  Rich and I left Reno August 15th, so it has been nearly two month since we moved and FINALLY things are starting to feel somewhat normal.  We move a lot, but I have to say this has been the craziest move ever!  Hence no blogging, I’ll explain…

It started with loosing my job in Reno, and getting pulled into the middle of a huge fight between Rich and his sister (my previous co-worker).  The loss of job and fight are unrelated, but I think the stress of it all added to the tension and escalated the situation.  I will spare you the details, but lets just say the whole thing seems silly to me.  Rich’s family is very close and they spend a lot of time together, now there is tension and the entire family suffers.  I think it is selfish to act in a way that distresses your whole family for your own sake, but that’s just me.  Needless to say no one was on speaking terms when we left Reno, and sadly it remains the same today.  But I digress. 

We left Reno on a Sunday and planned to spend a few days in Sacramento before we hit the road for Southern California, partly to visit but also because our friends in So Cal weren’t available until later in the week.  We planned to stay at my Grandparent’s house and visit some friends before we left.  Mind you at this point Rich and I were homeless and had our huge Uhaul and pets with us.  By some miracle my Grandparents were out of town that week (it has been twenty years since my Grandfather has taken a trip), and my Mom and Aunt were there house sitting.  I adore my Grandparents, but if I showed-up with our two cats and two dogs, they would have lost their minds and I am so grateful to have avoided that!  My Mom and Aunt have an easier time going with the flow.  Or so we thought.

We arrive at my Grandparents Sunday night and there is an obvious tension between my Mom and Aunt.  My Mom later tells me that the two of them have planned an elaborate house cleaning/reorganization to surprise my Grandparents when they get home, and that they have reverted back and are fighting like teenagers again…great, haha!  Then Mom tells me that my Aunt doesn’t want us to keep the animals at the house.  Great, what am I supposed to do now?  Mom says don’t worry, that it is just as much her parents house as it is my Aunt’s, and to just ignore her.  Okay, easier said than done, but I will try.  And my Aunt doesn’t make it easy.  We confine the cats to one room, and try to keep the dogs outside as much as possible, but my Aunt feels bad and lets the cats out of the room and brings the dogs inside.  Okay, very sweet of her.  Then she starts to complain about the litter box, and seems to think every spot on the floor is an animal stain.  I say okay then lets put the cats back in the room and take the dogs out, I don’t want them to be a burden.  No, she says.  Then what do you want Lady make up your mind?  But no, she wants to be crazy, and she continues to be crazy all week.

It is finally Thursday, time to head down to Southern California to find a place to live!  We pack up the two dogs, and my Mom agrees to watch the cats at her place until we can come back for them in a week.  Our friends have two cats and it was going to be too hard to stay there with all our pets.  After what felt like an eternity, we finally arrive in So Cal and the first thing we have to do after the six hour drive is unload the Uhaul into storage.  We received a free month from Uhaul, and it was sooo much cheaper than paying to keep the truck.  That had to be the hardest part, unloading the Uhaul knowing in a week we would have to rent another truck and do it all over again.  But it was the only way.  After the grueling day was over we were happy to head to our friend’s place for some rest!  We stayed there a few nights, and by Sunday we found a cute little place in Burbank with awesome landlords.  They let us move in before the 1st and they didn’t even charge us a pet deposit!  It had been a week since we left Reno, and we finally have a place to call home again!  Now the grueling task of unloading the storage unit, loading everything into our new place, and heading back to Sacramento to pick up the cats.  Sounds simple enough right, you would think.

We felt bad cramming our dogs into our friend’s tiny place, so that night we decided to stay at our new place and sleep on the air mattress.  The next day I get up and plan to call Uhaul, but I decide to check my bank account first.  I am shocked to see I am $600 short!!!  What???  An old debt that I was told would go away had come back to bite me and auto-withdrew $600 from my bank account!!!  Talk about timing, there could not have been a worse time for this to happen.  I freak out because this means our entire moving budget is ruined.  I can’t afford to rent a Uhaul, I can’t afford gas to drive to Sacramento to get the cats, and our first months rent is due in a few days on the first - what am I going to do?  I was just about ready to breakdown when I remembered our landlords saying we have an option to pay rent on the 1st or the 15th, again awesome landlords, so I call and ask if I can pay a ½ months rent on the 1st giving me two weeks to recover before paying a full months rent on the 15th.  They said no problem!  But we were still short on cash, and had to sit in an empty house for over a week waiting until we had the extra money to rent a Uhaul.  And my poor kitties had to wait another one to two weeks before I could swing the gas money and expense to drive to Sacramento, again.  Now it has been two weeks since we left Reno, we just got our stuff from storage, and we still don’t have our cats.  Things are moving slow as molasses, but they’re moving.  Oh but wait, there is still time to throw another wrench in the mix.

It is the beginning of the third week since we left Reno.  I call my Mom to check on the cats, and tell her it might be another two weeks until I can make it up to Sacramento.  She calls me back later in the week to tell me that right after we talked the cats got out and have been out for three nights!  She didn't want to tell me and was hoping she could find them on her own but she has searched the neighborhood with no luck.  I panic because they don’t know where they are or my Mom that well, and they always come home at night so they are obviously lost or ran away.  My Mom feels terrible and offers to give me $100 for gas to come help look for the cats.  Maybe they need to hear my voice, because she has tried everything else.  Rich is working and has my car so I can’t leave until Saturday on Labor Day weekend.  As soon as he got home I hit the road back to Sacramento to find my cats.  Don’t worry kitties, Mama is coming, I tell myself! 

Mom and I hit the streets the next day Sunday morning and about two hours in we find Roxie!!  I have a renewed sense of hope, so we keep up the search for Chloe.  We tap cans of cat food together, shake jars of treats, we even shake a bag of dry food to entice Chloe out of her hiding spot.  At one point we had five cats following us around the neighborhood, and Mom shook the bag of food so hard kibble rained down on her head and shoulders.  We laughed as all the cats around us enjoyed the food, and joked calling Mom the Queen of the Cat Ladies, raining down kibble from the sky!  The night was not without its laughs.  Another time we stopped to ask a group of people if they had seen a black and white cat and they pointed to the line of cats following us and said “Is it one of those?” as if we didn’t know they were there, haha!  But after ten hours I had to go to bed that night without my Chloe.  Where could she be?  I was heartbroken.  And I had to leave the next morning.  I tried looking for her for two more hours before I ultimately had to get in the car and drive six hours home without my Chloe.  I cried almost the entire way. 

I have had Chloe the longest, ten years, and I couldn’t figure out how I would ever get over this.  This sadness and guilt continued when one week after my trip to Sacramento on a Sunday morning my phone rings.  It’s a 916 #!!!  I answer the phone, and hear a woman’s voice say “I just saw your flyer at the coffee shop this morning and I think your cat is in my backyard.”  She went on to describe her markings and I heard a cat meow.  It was Chlo!  I can’t describe the joy and relief I felt!  I leapt up from where I was sitting and I thanked the woman over and over again.  I told her how much my Mom and I appreciate her calling and that she made my year!  I called my Mom and she immediately went to pick up Chloe (she was one block away), and a few days later Rich’s Dad (who drives a truck from Sacramento to Los Angeles every Wednesday) delivered my Chloe to me.  I feel like the luckiest person ever for having found both of my cats alive and healthy!!!  It had been four weeks since we left Reno, a solid month, and I could finally breathe easy. 

For the last month I haven't been doing much.  It is kind of hard when Rich has my car all the time and I'm not making as much money as I was in Reno.  But I've been having fun exploring Southern California.  I will always be a Nor Cal girl at heart, but So Cal has a lot of cool things and isn't too far from home.  Michelle and Charles were here over the weekend and we went to Santa Monica and Venice Beach, we did some sight seeing in Beverly Hills, and drove through Hollywood.  We also ate lots of yummy food at Cafe Colombia.  Things are starting to feel normal in a way, but there is also still some residual stress.  We still are not talking to Corine, my Mom and Aunt still have tension from there time fighting like teenagers, my Aunt decided to tell my Grandma about us staying there with our pets and now I think my Grandma is mad at me for not asking her first, I never got my $600 back which was a struggle after the expensive move, so on and so on. 

But on the bright side finding Chloe really helped lift my spirits enough to start unpacking and decorating.  I wanted to get the house ready for company too!  Pictures are up, mirrors are hung, books are in the shelves, dishes in the cupboards, all that good stuff.  We have also been able to see our friends down here a few times (as apposed to once a year like before), although I really miss my friends in Sacramento.  It has been a long and tough journey, but we made it!  Rich is working and has plans to start school in the spring.  I am going to start volunteering and working on my applications to Graduate School for Fall 2011.  All and all I think we have a bright future ahead of us, but if nothing else we have some awesome stories to tell for the rest of our lives.  That's what it is all about really, making memories, and 2010 will definitely go down in the history books for me!

Taking Life into Our Own Hands

Well, my so called life in Reno has been cut short.  The company I’m working for lost the Nevada state grant that pays my salary, which means my job is no more; therefore there is no reason for Rich and I to stay in Reno.  Its okay, thank goodness I’m eligible for unemployment, which lessens my panic.  And having the rug pulled-out from under our feet caused Rich and me to make some decisions we have been mulling over for years.  We have decided to move to Los Angeles so Rich and I can both pursue our careers and passions in school, his for the arts, and mine for social work.  This is a good thing - we are very excited!

Sorry for the shortness of Reno posts, life has been a little crazy lately, but what else is new?  Let me fill you in.  First of all we did not adopt Zule, I sent an email to my landlord for approval, and he replied that he wanted a 3^rd, yes 3^rd pet deposit of $250 before we could bring Zule home.  And if he did not receive the 3^rd deposit before we brought Zule home, the $250 would be non-refundable.  Mind you, we have already paid a $500 non-refundable pet deposit, but he still wanted more?  I tried my best to remain calm, but I could not hold my tongue in my response.  I mentioned that we have already paid a $1750 deposit, $500 of which is non-refundable, and I could not imagine any damage we or the animals could do totaling $2000.  I also reminded him that when we moved in to his house, we moved in “as is” which meant the walls were not freshly painted and still had nails in them, the carpets needed a cleaning, and the wood floors were dirty.  We have since scrubbed the walls and banister clean, scrubbed stains out of the carpet, and thoroughly cleaned the floors.  In other words we have done nothing but improve the house since we moved in.  Needless to say I saw red when I received this reply:

“I just want you to know I feel like I'm getting slapped in the face… now you are telling me that you want a dog that you cannot afford…etc, etc.”

Slapped in the face?  Seriously?  Talk about a drama queen!!  I never said I could not afford a second dog, I said having to pay a $250 adoption fee + a 3^rd $250 pet deposit = $500 was more than I WANTED to spend.  Alas, that was the deal breaker. 

I got to thinking, while Zule’s adoption fee was totally reasonable considering the rescue vaccinated, boarded, and neutered him, the Nevada Humane Society provides all the same services for their dogs, and they were having a June “Big Love” special, all dog adoptions $25.  A purebred Boston terrier will have no problem finding a home, but there are dogs at the Humane Society who are there for months, even years, who are far more in need of a good home.  It was June 29^th, and I wanted to take advantage of the “Big Love” special, so with only two days left of June I decided to take a trip down to the shelter after work to look around.  Richie couldn’t be there because he was in class, so Corine agreed to join me, and off we went.  Within five minutes, Corine and I couldn’t help but notice Shadow, a little mutt looking guy, with a huge heart.  While all the other dogs were barking and running away from us, Shadow was staring at us with those sad puppy eyes, and walking right up to us for pets and kisses.  Oh we had to meet this guy!  The volunteer brought Shadow to the visiting room, and I can only imagine he knew it was show time, because it was nothing but smiles, licks, and tricks!  He sat, fetched, and could even shake!  I was nervous because I didn’t have Rich with me, but they made me walk him back to his cage (OMG), and it broke my heart.  It was closing time so I went to the front and asked for an application, thinking I would go home and talk to Rich, and come back tomorrow the last day of June.  But the Director was in the waiting room and said "you can go ahead and fill it out now we will wait."  I hesitated, but in the heat of the moment I agreed, thinking it would take a day or two to process my application anyway.  Nope.  I turned in my application, they looked over my information, and just as I thought it was time to leave they were bringing Shadow to the front office.  What was I supposed to do?  Say oh never mind I wasn’t serious?  Or look at that happy excited puppy face and ask them to take him back?  I did what any dog lover would do and I scooped him up and brought him home to meet his sister Ginger, and confused Papa Richie.  It was a rough first couple weeks, and Rich was not happy with me for making this decisions without him.  I can’t say I would have reacted any differently if the tables were turned, but Shadow (now Buddy Reno) and Ginger are now best friends, and we have fallen in love with this little guy.

Oh, and we were planning on paying our landlord his 3^rd pet deposit, but now that we’re moving soon, we have decided what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

So after the craziness of fighting with Rich, and house training a dog that was obviously accustom to living outside, things started to mellow-out.  Rich passed his math class, and was getting ready to sign-up for classes in the fall.  We were considering moving when our lease was up in July as the house was becoming too expensive, but graciously our landlord lowered the rent $100, and we planned on renewing our lease.  I fell in love with a sectional, and was saving-up to buy it for our large living room.  And my bosses were planning to move our office in September, and I was looking forward to having a private office.  Everything seemed to be going smoothly, and my life was becoming normal in Reno, and then poof one phone call changed it all.  The grant was pulled, my job is gone, and now Rich and I have to move not one, but two dogs, back to California.  And of course there is the issue of our already strained financial situation, and paying for another move across state.  But we have decided to accept the hand that fate dealt us, and run with it!  We are making the best of this situation, and taking life into our own hands.  Sure we are probably going to be stressed-out for the next few months, but in the end I know we will be happy we made the move to Los Angeles.  And hopefully within a few years I will post a blog proudly announcing my graduation from graduate school with my masters in social work, Rich’s graduation with a bachelor in fine art, and our new fabulous careers doing what we love!! 

My mother’s immaculate timing never fails.  She just sent me a quote from Audrey Hepburn who nicely represents Rich’s love of art and the industry, and her words mirror my passion for humanitarianism.  I think this quote nicely sums-up this post:

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.  For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.  For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.  As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.”

Audrey Hepburn wrote this wonderful poem when asked to share her “beauty tips.”  It was read at her funeral years later.

Tough Week

Well this has been a pretty tough week.  Some stuff happened, bad stuff that I won’t elaborate on publicly, that forced Rich and I to make some long overdue tough decisions.  But in reality, I am glad things happened the way they did.  Before you ask no we aren’t breaking-up, it’s more financial.

I must say a weight has been lifted from both of our shoulders.  We have been worrying about this stuff for years.  At least now we are finally taking action, and we can move on with our lives. 

We were planning to apply to rescue a Boston terrier this week, but we have to wait and concentrate on more pressing matters.  I have a hard time giving up on things I want, but it is the practical thing to do.  There is a chance Zule the Boston will still be there in a month or so, but I have a sneaking suspicion he will be adopted fast!  As long as he finds a good home, that’s all I can hope for at the moment.  And if he is still available next month, it was meant to be!

Sorry this blog is a bit vague, but like I said I don’t want to air all my dirty laundry.  I’m more writing to make sure I remember this week.  It has been a valuable learning lesson for me to be more practical with my finances, and to make better decisions.

I will keep you updated if anything new or exciting happens, most definitely it we adopt Zule, the Boston!

Why Are People So Different?

Is it just me, or are people impossible to understand?  Most people have their groups of friends and family who they know and understand, but when you go outside of that, all the rules change.  Everyone thinks differently, and has different expectations about how others ought to behave.  And it’s maddening to try to understand it all.


There are some general rules of society that most people respect and follow, and I do mean most not all: respect others right to privacy, property, and their own opinion, unless you’re gay, then every straight person in the U.S gets to tell you how you ought to spend your private time, who you ought to purchase property with, and how you ought to feel about your own sexuality.  But that’s another blog entirely, so I digress.

Some people are positive, negative, proactive, inactive, passive, aggressive, rational, irrational, upfront, quiet, expressive, shy, religious, atheist, optimistic, pessimistic, peaceful, aggravated, open-minded, close-minded, accepting, judgmental, loving, spiteful, generous, selfish, caring, self-centered, well-rounded, oblivious, moody, and the list goes on and on…

I’m no psychologist, but this can’t all be neurological.

I do have a degree in Sociology, and you think that would help me understand all this, but it doesn’t completely.  It helps me understand the motivations behind a lot of different behaviors, cultural influences, race and gender, that sort of stuff, but it doesn’t help me understand how people who live in the same community, with the same lifestyles, can be so incredibly different in every way.  Family has a lot to do with it, whether its blood related, or a family created amongst friends, but you would think the general human condition would bring people closer, in times other than just disaster.

I guess with all these different personalities walking around, it’s easy to understand why some people withdraw and chose to not participate or try to understand other people.  That helps us get down to the heart of the problem; people have stopped communicating and caring about others.  They live in their own worlds, and shut everything out.  They have ideas about what they want out of life, and don’t care to stop and look around, and see past their own wants and desires.

Or maybe people are just stubborn.  That’s something most people have in common.  I suppose it is just the American way.

But then you witness people coming together, collaborating, and working to solve the same problem as a group.  I have witnessed that here in Nevada.  Reno is a small town, and the state of Nevada has a lot of remote rural areas, it would be easy for most Nevadans to live in their own worlds.  But no, local public, private, and non-profits come together and work to help other Nevadans in ways that seem far more efficient than anything I ever witnessed in California.

I suppose it is a difference in priorities.  Some people care about others, some people only care about their family and friends, and some people only care about themselves.  If you lump people into those three groups, we can probably assign characteristic traits from my list above typical of each group.   

The old saying goes it doesn’t matter what others think of you, but what you think of yourself.  But have we gone too far with this?  Sure it is not healthy to worry about what everyone thinks of you that will drive you insane too, but maybe we should worry just a little bit more about how others perceive us.  Of course there will always be people out there you can’t please, and I’m not saying worry about them, but think how different this world would be if we were all a little more compassionate and caring of others, not just the ones who matter to us most. 

With a little introspect, we will still live in a world with positive, negative, proactive, inactive, passive, aggressive, rational, irrational, upfront, quiet, expressive, shy, religious, atheist, optimistic, pessimistic, peaceful, aggravated, open-minded, close-minded, accepting, judgmental, loving, spiteful, generous, selfish, caring, self-centered, well-rounded, oblivious, and moody people. 

But we might be more willing to understand WHY people are so different, and to help others with the bad stuff, and complement them on the good stuff.  Communicate, stop closing people out, and living in our own worlds, and learn from others.  Maybe then people wouldn’t be so impossible to understand?  

Hopefully.

How I Got Here, and What I've Learned

Rewind one month to January 2010 and I had just finished one of the busiest months of work in my life, December, Christmas Season at The Salvation Army, Sacramento.  Most people are familiar with the Bell Ringers, but there is so much more that goes on behind the scenes.  While the Corps locations are busy providing vital social services, Coats for Kids, Toys for Tots, financial assistance, energy assistance, hot meals, warm blankets, and food boxes to people in need, the folks at Headquarters are processing tons of donations, and the Army goes above and beyond to acknowledge every donor.  Needless to say I stuffed countless gift bags for donors, hand wrote up to a thousand Christmas cards, and mailed out I don’t know how many Christmas CDs and ornaments.  Paper cut doesn’t even begin to describe it.  And while The Salvation Army was an extremely rewarding place to work, I couldn’t help but long for a more gratifying position.  After struggling for years to put myself through college, I felt my degree and years of work experience had earned me a better position than full-time paper pusher.  Yes this was my first job post-degree, and I did my best to stay patient while applying for promotions, but after a year I started to realize it might be time for me to move on.

In the midst of all this, Rich’s Uncle Jimmy contacted me about a health advocacy company he was starting out of Reno, through a NV state grant.  He knew about my experience in Healthcare and Non-Profit and wanted to talk to me about an exciting job possibility.  It was all very up in the air, but I told him if he was serious, I would be interested in talking with him.  A few months go by, and all of a sudden he called me up and said he wanted me to move to Reno and help start-up the company ASAP.  He basically caught me at the best time.  I was completely worn out at work, longing for a position with real responsibility, and desperately feeling the need for a change.  So yeah, that’s how I ended up here in Reno, and boy what a change it has been.

Working for a start-up has its challenges, but I’m really enjoying it.  Enough about work though, let me tell you about Reno.

The first thing I noticed when I moved here was how differently men behave around me.  In California I was acknowledged, but first thing when Rich and I pull up to our new place, our male landlord greets me, and promptly turns to Rich (my boyfriend) for the walk-thru.  Um, hello?  Then we go out to the casinos, and I can't get a drink from the male bartender unless I send Rich.  It continues at the grocery store, at restaurants, and even at Wal-Mart.  The men aren't necessarily rude, they just sorta ignore you.  Maybe they're trying to be polite, or give you space, but not acknowledging my presence is not going to work for me.  Sorry but I wasn't aware I'm supposed to follow my boyfriend around like a little lady, and let him do all the talking.  My landlord seems to have figured this out, and it has gotten better with him - thank goodness.  I've also learned to be more demanding of attention when I need it.  I'm sure some people think I can be pushy, but what choice do I have?  If being nice and polite doesn't work, I've got to toughen-up.

I also noticed that Reno has a much slower pace than I am accustom to. People move slower, speak slower, act slower, even drive slower.  Part of me appreciates the slower pace, but it has taken me some time to adjust.  First I find myself having to be more pushy with men, then they probably think I'm impatient on top of it.  On one hand it's caused me to slow down and take my time, but on the other hand it's caused me to become way too apathetic.  I don't really want to slow down, at least not too much, for fear I will lose my edge...or something?

Don't get me wrong, Reno is a fun place to live, and I'm not saying the locals are all "country" or anything like that.  Hey, I'm kind of country myself.  I'm just saying it has been an experience leaving the valley, and moving to the hills.  I will say I'm excited its almost summer!  It has finally stopped snowing, and there is so much to do here when the sun comes out!  Literally, every weekend.  Don't believe me, check out the link below.

www.visitrenotahoe.com

Anyway, thanks for reading and I will keep you posted on any new discoveries here in my so called life in Reno.

Kelly