What Am I Going To Do?!

I know that life somehow always works out, but I am getting to the point where I don’t know how I am going to make it through this point in time. I’ve tried to make decisions to the best of my ability, but every time I do something goes wrong. I don’t mean a little wrong, but seriously wrong.

Early last year (2009) I graduated college. Three months prior to that I lost the part-time job I had all through college. I received unemployment, but very little. Luckily I had one last disbursement of financial aid to cover us until I finished school. Right about the same time Rich was laid off from his full-time job and started receiving unemployment that totaled half of his normal income. Our total income was cut in half, not including the loss of my financial aid, and we were in a dire straight position. I did what I had to do. I found a cheaper place to live that we could afford on our limited income and moved. And surprisingly, we loved it there! Right about the same time I found a job and thank my lucky stars we were going to be okay. FFhheeww, we somehow made it through!

The early part of this year (2010) I was offered a great position, nearly double my current salary, in Reno, NV. Rich had been struggling to find work ever since he was laid off, so I made the decision to take the job and make the move to Reno. It was great at first, we had more money and Reno is a very nice and affordable place to live. But as I am sure most of you who are my facebook friends know, the job fell apart in six months and I found myself on unemployment again. Luckily this time it was a livable amount, half of what I was making, but still manageable. Rich and I talked about our options, and he has always wanted to move to Southern CA for school. I figured what the heck he moved to Reno for me, I can do this for him. A friend of his helped him line-up a job, and I had unemployment, so we figured hey let’s go for it! Well, I’m starting to really regret the decision.

Yes, Rich has a job, but the lovely state of Nevada is not offering unemployment extensions as of this month. Guess what? My unemployment runs out this week! Stress doesn’t even begin to explain the amount of worry I have right now. We had to spend our every last dollar to cover our rent for November, and give our months notice to our landlords. We have no choice, we can’t afford to stay here anymore…sound familiar? The only difference this time is there is no such thing as cheap rent in Southern CA, especially not when you have pets, and I am not about to surrender my animals - no way!

So here is the only solution we can think of, move to Ventura County where rent is $1000 a month, which eats up most of Rich’s income for the month, and he enrolls in school to receive financial aid to make-up the difference. I continue to look for a job and hope something comes through. That is the best we’ve got.

Words also can’t describe how much I am dreading another move! We moved in Sacramento to a cheaper place, then we moved to Reno nine months later, then we moved here six months later, and it has only been four months and we have to move again! Uuuuggghhhhh I just want to scream with frustration. I want to throw a fit and yell no I don’t want to go, I don’t want to do it, I quit! The mental stress and worry of constantly moving is seriously going to kill me. That compounded with our money worries is going to give me a mental breakdown. I can’t keep doing this! I just want to move somewhere and live there and be happy. And to be honest, I just want to go home and feel safe for a little while, job hunt, and not worry about finding a place to live until I find a job.

Then there are all the little annoying things. Rich and I constantly fighting because he wants to stay here, and I want to go home. The fact that money is so tight I can’t even afford the application fee to graduate school which would help save me from this mess for the next two years. And the part that makes me want to cry, looks like we won’t be able to afford Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Yup, what the heck do I do? There is no end in sight. Yes, I should have never moved to Reno, and I could strangle my employer for having me quit my steady job and move to another state…for six months of work!!! I know I can’t blame anyone but myself for my decisions, but honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve started to just let go. We will play it by ear until the end of this month. If we get the apartment in Ventura great, but I have a feeling our income won’t be enough, and if that is the case well I guess I will give my Grandma a call to say we’re coming home. I don’t know, I just don’t know…and honestly, I don’t care. I’m going to finish my application to graduate school in Sacramento and in Northridge, and when it comes time to start school I will decide then…that’s if we can make it that long.

And that is my life :)