Just a Little Ranting...

Well I’m supposed to be sewing knifes into my dress for my knife throwing dead target girl costume, complete with matching knife throwing boyfriend, or cleaning my messy house, or anything productive – but instead I am writing a blog.  I have a headache from too much wine last night, and while I am not hung over, I am feeling extra lazy today. This is not new, as I have been feeling lazy for the last two months. Hence drinking too much wine.

I want to rant. I miss home. I don’t really like our place here in Burbank, CA. I feel bad for our pets because it is cramped in here with two cats and two dogs. I want a bigger place so my cats can hideaway when they feel like it, and a decent size yard for my dogs to play. I know I sound petty, but with the amount of money we spend to live here we could have all the above in Sacramento, and we did have it in Reno. I guess it all boils down to me not wanting to live here. It is way too expensive, and it doesn’t offer anything to me to warrant the expense. Rich loves it here, but I would be happier in a house in Sacramento, or heck back in our house in Reno for that matter. Some people are willing to give up certain amenities or luxuries to live in an exciting city, but I guess I’m just too old for that now.

I took so much pride in our house in Reno. I have always taken pride in my house, keeping it cute and clean all the time. But now I’m just blah… What does it matter? It’s not like we are going to have any company, all my friends and family live six hours away. Plus, the place is so small my furniture doesn’t fit, so it won’t look nice anyway. This is the first time ever I have let my house go. I just don’t care.

I find myself spending a lot of time daydreaming about moving back to 4^th Avenue in Curtis Park. I love Curtis Park! I want to buy a house there and never leave. When I think of home, I think of 4^th Avenue. I think of the tree lined streets, quirky houses, and all the character in the neighborhood. I also love how close it is to everything in Sacramento! You’re right down the street from downtown, and have access to all the freeways so you can go anywhere in no time, unlike some areas that confine you to one highway.

I’m working on my application to Graduate School, or at least I am getting up every day and telling myself to work on it, even if I procrastinate like normal.  I plan to apply to Cal State LA and a few other state schools down here, but I’m also sending an application to Sacramento State.  Who knows maybe I won’t get into any schools down here, and if I get into Sac State then sorry hun this is my career, I’m moving back to Sacramento.

I feel like I should fill everyone in on why I moved to Southern California, and why I feel inclined to stay even though I’m not happy.  I did it for Rich.  He moved to Reno with me for my job, and when that fell apart I thought I would return the favor and move here with him for his school.  He wants to work in visual effects, and Los Angeles is of course the entertainment hub, all the work he wants to do is down here.  I am a very driven person and I refuse to give-up on grad school and my goal of becoming a social worker, so I would never expect him to give up on his dreams either, hence my willingness to help him move mountains to follow his dream, and to live somewhere I can’t stand.  Well, it’s not all bad, but crowded and expensive and so on.

I guess I’m writing this blog to get some stuff off my chest, even if nothing changes at least I blew off some steam.  The holidays are also around the corner and we can’t go home this year…that makes me very sad. For one Rich has to work, two we are sharing my car so it’s not like I can take off without him, and three we just can’t afford it after the expensive move.  So yes, I am feeling extra home sick for this reason, and feeling a little sorry for myself. But I will be ok, I figure since I can’t go home I might as well do some good and volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank on Thanksgiving and Christmas. At least this way I will still be able to surround myself with people for the holidays, and feel good about what I am doing vs. moping around at home continuing to feel sorry for myself.

Well that’s all the rant I have in me today.  Think I will go on craigslist now and search for houses in Curtis Park, like I do everyday and daydream.

Thanks for reading,

Kelly